The Torture Retort

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When you think about the scariest, most terrifying, characters from popular movies or books – who comes to mind? For me I think about Hannibal “The Cannibal” Lecter, Leatherface, or Annie Wilkes from Stephen King’s Misery. These are characters that have the ability to make my skin crawl and my stomach turn without being even the slightest bit real. What is that old saying? Truth is stranger than fiction – or something like that? In light of the recently released Torture Report I can firmly state that one person in our collective reality is far scarier than anyone cooked up in a spooky novel or dark movie. That person is none other than Dick Cheney.



If you took Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars and meshed him with Freddy Krueger, what you would get would be close to Dick Cheney – but still not all the way there. Rumor has it that when Dick Cheney was a child – he would pull the wings off of butterflies until they screamed out what their true motives were. When Dick Cheney was a teenager he was probably the one running to parents whenever the cool kids got together to smoke pot or drink beers. Dick Cheney has had numerous heart troubles because his ticker cannot continue to supply enough pressurized blood to keep his dick hard when romanticizing the torture of other human beings in the name of American “freedom.”



Well great job Dick, I’m glad you can sleep soundly on your big pile of blood money while your actions cast one of the largest, most-shameful shadows over the United States in history. Cheney, in an interview with Chuck Todd on Meet the Press, defended the CIA’s illegal kidnapping, torture, and negligent homicide of a wrongly accused “suspect.” With a werewolf-esque type scowl and an imaginary splatter of blood on his face Cheney, confirmed that he was far more worried about the “bad people” the CIA didn’t torture enough and let go instead of a few “innocents” that were subsequently tortured to death. Jesus Christ, man, do you really have no soul? That is rhetorical, I already know the answer.



Dick Cheney is an evil man who should no longer be given any air time, credibility, or respect in any avenue of the media. This has nothing to do with partisan politics – anyone who is an advocate of fear based torture that uses rape, physical pain, emotional abuse, and tactics that occasionally result in death has no place in the modern world. If any other world leader came out and advocated his support, we’d be calling for their head. But no, Dick Cheney will be allowed to live the rest of his, hopefully short, life in relative peace without ever having to face retribution for what he has done. If America still had some semblance of a moral compass – we’d be putting Cheney on trial and refusing to allow money, influence, and corrupt power run our country.


-Spencer James

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